BREAKING: VW Changes Mind Again, Renames Animal After Sport
By David Surace
Leporidologists are up in arms as the Volkswagen Group has announced that it is re-naming what were once called rabbits, members of the Leporid genus of the Lagomorph order of mammals. The new name will henceforth be Golfs, referencing the pedestrian Scottish sport which involves a dimpled ball.
The sudden move, which animal rights experts and scientists have decried as dangerous and irresponsible, was initiated according to VW Group marketing executives because of naming confusion leading to a loss of brand equity, a condition which commonly occurs among purchasers of rabbits.
“We found through extensive research that our customers had more in common with stick-and-ball sports,” said Engelbert Humperdinck, a VW spokesperson. “We consistently see people in our showrooms who indicate they like to spend their weekends wandering around a nearly empty expanse of perfectly trimmed grass, using electric vehicles to chase after a tiny round white object. So Golf turned out to be an excellent fit with our target demographic.”
But according to Dr. Hieronymous Bun, chairman of the Watership Downs’ Institute for Responsible Rabbit Breeding, naming animals after stick-and-ball sports could lead to a dangerous level of confusion. “Up until this week our primary problem was with sugar-covered marshmallows, which was manageable,” said Dr. Bun. “Now we’re talking about being chased around with a metal club? This is an entirely different class of abuse.”
Experts in the automotive field have since pointed out to Volkswagen’s marketing group that they do not sell mammals.
Experts in the sport of golf were too busy staring at looped footage of Tiger Woods, and were thus unavailable for comment.
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